Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
