The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
