I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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