you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He has the fingertips of a God
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