put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
