My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
