WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i will never coherently bang her
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
