oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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