then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
