Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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