So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
