Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
