absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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