He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
