I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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