You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
