I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
