oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
