Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
