That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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