I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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