what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
