dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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