She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
