You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
