I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
