Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
