My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
