when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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