I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
