Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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