remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
