Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
