He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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