My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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