so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
