I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
