I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
