If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
