i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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