i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Randomize
