i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
