ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
