he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
