As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
