I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
