I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
