ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
