Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
