I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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