My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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